pride goeth before the fall

Something that has always been in the back of my mind is a concern that if I share anything that I've been a part of or set out to do in the Name of Jesus that it will be perceived as pride.

First, let me say that this blog is meant to be a journal of my journey rather than a "hey, look what I did today!" message board. That said, my captive audience of none (okay, if you are reading this, I must apologize. I think there are only 3-4 people who know about this blog and you probably wouldn't have come back here had I not lassoed you over to read a post especially since I went AWOL for a few months.) I write about my experiences because it is good to keep track of how God motivates us to step out of our comfort zone and then performs a miracle or is glorified in another way when we obey. I have spent a good part of my life in disobedience. Sure, I obey the biggies, but His still small voice has often ignored and I'm ashamed to say it.

So anyway.....pride. I have talked to others about this. I remember once talking with a good soloist on our worship team. He was concerned about pride, getting attention when he did a great job, the fanfare. I have always been super-insecure about solos. I think the truth is that when I'm not scheduled to solo, something much better sounding will come out of me. If I'm scheduled, there is all this focus on me (even by me, fearing I'll make mistakes). Once I had a solo at Easter and I really felt I'd messed up. A couple different people came to me afterwards and rather sincerely told me how touched they were by "my song." Still, I could not stop feeling humiliated and embarassed that I'd foibled the end so bad that for 3 days I sunk into a funk. Finally, friend Myrna called and I told her about what was going on. I was thinking "I'm never going to sing another solo ever!" She said "now who is sitting on the throne?"

I realized, of course, that the devil had me right where he wanted me. I confessed and repented.

A pride issue that has arised lately is this subject of "Power Evangelism." Ever since I went to the School of Power Evangelism, (which further equipped me to do what I was already working towards and had begun to a degree), I have been trying to get others interested in going out and "doing the stuff that Jesus did." That's the way one of the speakers described it. I have asked for volunteers and tried to drum up interest, shared my personal experiences and regularly prayed aloud in the prayer group for leaders to rise up and step out of their comfort zones in ministry to the needy, healing the sick, etc. Each time I say something, I have a tinge that this is going to be observed as prideful. I really am not feeling pride. I am hoping to inspire others who may have been fearful to go there, but mostly I am sincerely trying to find the rest of the workers. Where are they????? We are supposed to go out two by two. It will not be me and someone else's husband! It should be a group of 2-5 persons. I guess today I shall be grateful for two friends who I've been out with once each so far.

If you perceive pride in me, you probably won't want to tell me.....so I will ask that you will pray for me that the Lord would convict me. Please also pray that He would send more workers and that I would hook up with them! Thank you, sweet, loving, faithful friends.